Sadness of the Destination


This journey of a lifetime is over. The sadness that poured over me was unexpected. As our miles to Santiago dwindled, I realized that this epic pilgrimage has come to an end.

I had been planning this trip for years. Dreaming about what it would be like. Talking it over with Teresa to see if it was possible. Asking my business partners if being gone this long was even feasible. Trying to get the boys to understand what we were undertaking and how hard it would be.

These now past 32 days have been in my mind for a long time and been informing decision for years. What phone should I get? If I get this one, will the battery last for all day hiking? How about this bed fan, will it help when I am trying to sleep in a hot place on the Camino? Will these shoes give me blisters? How about these socks? These and many other considerations ran through my head for years. I even remember setting weight loss goals and how much I needed to loose at 2 years, 1 year and 6 months before the trip. Zero ended up being the actual amount at each deadline. Maybe more like +5.

And now. It is finished. The chapter has been written and is complete. It leaves me with a sense of emptiness and purposelessness. What is that next mountain to climb? I have had countless excited conversations with family, friends and acquaintances in anticipation of this trip. This has been repeatedly met with approval and complements of the worthiness of this endeavor. Honestly, I feed on this kind of approval. What will replace this epic topic?

The main reason for this specific trip at this specific time was to enhance the bond I have with my quickly aging boys. Blaise will be out of the house sooner than I care to think about and starting the next chapter of his own book. Gabe and Gus are going to be starting to spread their own wings in high school and will no longer be as dependent on momma and papa as they once where.

One last meet up with our Camino Family

This chapter is still being written, but it is nearly complete. It makes me sad. Teresa and I have built our life around our domestic family. Our involvement in our faith, homeschooling, starting my own business, not getting overly involved in outside activities, and moving to our current home have all been purposeful choices. These decisions and many like them have lead to a family life that I enjoy immensely. We spend almost every night gathered around our table for supper and get a lot of quality time together. This is what we dreamed of before Teresa and I even tied the knot. A large, joyful, faithful family.

The end of this trip marks the beginning of change in our household. But all things are not meant to be the same forever. I’m sure God has more and better in store for us. I just don’t know what shape that will take and it is hard for me to let go and just go along for the journey. I like control.

But such is one of the lessons I learned on the Camino. We don’t always know the route, but as long as we move toward the goal everything will work out inbetween. We will also end up following adventures and meeting people that we would have never dreamed of. Such is God’s great plan for us. Time for Vol. II. Bring it on.

2 Comments Add yours

  1. Noah says:

    I’m sure Vol. II will come out amazing. Life isn’t necessarily about the big adventures we have either. It seems you know what you’re doing, though, so just keep moving!

    I send my best regards to your Vol. II and Blaise’s Vol. I to come.

  2. Donna Quaney says:

    Congratulations!! So proud of all of you!!!!GOD is soooo GREAT!! 🙏🏼❤️👏🏼✝️

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